The tragedy in Newtown, CT has stopped the hearts of so many and has sent our country into mourning. Most can't fathom what the parents of those lost are going through right now. There will come a day, when life has moved on and they discover there is no going back to normal but learn to live with a new normal.
But that's not their reality right now.
They will laugh again.
The day will come when they get through the day without crying.
There will come a day when they can say their child's name and smile.
They will be able to look at pictures/videos and remember without tears.
But the holidays, their birthdays and the day they passed will never be the same.
So what is their reality right now?
I an a writer who has felt this pain and still I have no words to describe it.
Breathing is a chore.
The idea of eating makes you nauseous.
They pray for sleep, search it out, if for no other reason than to escape their reality.
Movement is painful. Just lifting a limb takes effort.
Even if they are surrounded by loved ones, they might feel very alone. Many loved their child, but no one knows the loss like the mother and father.
The desire to wake up from this nightmare is so strong, there may be mornings when, for a few precious seconds, they believe it was just a nightmare.
Guilt. No matter how irrational.
They will have loved ones come to them and say kind, yet meaningless words. I don't mean this to sound harsh. When we see our loved ones suffering, we want to do or say anything to take some of the pain away.
Don't. You can't, so don't try.
Don't say they have to be strong for their other children. The parent is mourning for the child they lost. Let them mourn. You want to help? Hug their other children. Comfort them. Because Mommy and Daddy might not be able to.
It doesn't matter if this is God's will. Don't try to rationalize.
Saying the child is with Jesus (or whatever their personal belief) does not help. One day it might. All that matters right now, is that child is not with them.
Do not say they can always have more children. Yes, it's been said. And NO it does not help. You can never, ever replace a child. EVER.
You want to know what to say?
"I'm sorry."
Cry with them. Hug them, And say you're sorry. That's it.
Don't ever forget the child they lost. If they had 3 children before the tragic event, don't say they have 2 children now.
Some grieving parents want to be left alone. Some want to be surrounded by people who loved their child. Whatever their choice, respect it.
Everyone grieves differently. Do not assume you know. Even I, who have been through this, can't tell you how everyone will react.
Don't put a time limit on their grief. Yes, people do this. It's been fourteen years since I lost Brandon and when people ask,
"How long did it take to move on?"
my answer always is,
"Any day now."
And it doesn't matter the child's age, or how he or she passed. Whether it be in a tragedy like the one on Friday, an accident or a long battle with illness, nothing eases the pain but time.
But that's not their reality right now.
All I can do is pray that these parents find the comfort I eventually did. I cry for them. Feel physical pain in my heart. I can't look at the pictures of the children lost being posted on Facebook. I just can't. And I know many of you feel the same way.
"So Mommy and Daddy, don't cry and wipe away that tear, for remember I'll be spending Christmas with Jesus Christ this year"
Monday, December 17, 2012
Saturday, August 7, 2010
Round Two
I'm working on round two of my edits. Things are moving along nicely, much easier than I thought. Now I'm so focused on promotion and 'getting my name out there' I hope it doesn't interfere with my writing.
Sunday, July 25, 2010
In the Beginning....
It's been ages since I lasted posted on this blog. Up until now, I didn't have much to say. Now, I'm happy to announce I sold my first book to The Wild Rose Press. More details to follow as they become available.
Thursday, August 2, 2007
Thursday Thirteen
I've only recently heard about this phenomena through the other blog I participate in, The Otherworld Diner so I decided to give it a shot on my own.
Thirteen ways to go mildly insane (I know, because I made this trip years ago)
1) Having an old dog that does new tricks: Dutch is a German short-haired pointer that I rescued about 10 years ago. Throughout the years Dutch has been a companion, an annoyance and comic relief. Now, at 12, Dutch has learned a new trick; climbing up on my furniture and . . . well . . . who needs to get up and run outside to go to the bathroom? Every night I have to put dining room chairs, guitars and empty hampers on every piece of furniture he can climb on just so I don't have to shampoo my furniture the next morning.
2) Having one of your kids go on vacation: I know, most mothers say I'm insane, but I can't help it. I love my kids and I miss them terribly when they're not here.
3) Having the aforementioned child come home from vacation: Within moments after the hugs, the kisses and the "I'm so glad you're home's!" the other kids remember that they have unfinished arguing to do and the make it all up in the first 24 hours.
4)Having a husband who thinks everything can and should be made into a joke: And worse yet, they're the same old tired jokes that I've heard over the last 20 years! I swear if I say "tongs" and he says "you're welcome" one more time....!!!!
5) You have a child who acts just like his dad: Need I say more?
6) Your worrisome father-in-law lives in your basement apartment: Let's just say, he doesn't call or knock first before he comes up :)
7)Having a nineteen-year-old who thinks it's funny to moon people: I have my brother, Hugh, to thank for that.
8) Having a five-year-old who thinks his brother mooning people is funny and isn't afraid to show it: I just can't wait for kindergarten to start! Oh, joy.
9)The circle game: Do any of you know what this is? If you don't, allow me to explain. Basically you make a circle with your index finger and thumb, hold it below your chest and then try to get people to look at it. But the other people, knowing that you play this insipid game, are too clever to look at you outright, so you need to learn new and clever ways to catch them. i.e. taking a picture of your finger-circle and sending it to your victim as a text message. Yes, that's right. And you'll never guess who plays it all the !@#$ time!
10)You no longer color your hair 'to be different': I remember when I colored my hair just for a change. Now, if I don't color my hair, people think I'm my husband's mother. I'm 40, she's 79! And yet, when I color my hair, people say I barely look like I'm out of my 20's....go figure.
11) Having a younger brother who thinks it's funny to rub his thumbs over the lenses of your glasses: Yes, Heath, I'm talking about you. And people wonder why I wear contacts.
12) Having a child who's a vidiot (video-idiot): It's so delightful when you ask your video game crazed child a question and the answer always, somehow, refers back to Nintendo.
13) Your Italian greyhound, Santa's Little Helper, (yes, that's his name) thinks the only place to lay down in your house is on you: We rescued Santa's Little Helper about 2 years ago. My sister-in-law works for a pet shop and they couldn't sell him because he has a deformed front right leg. He's a loving dog, but no matter what I do, whenever I sit down to write, or read, or watch T.V. Santa feels the need to be right up under my chin. Ever try to type on a laptop with a dog's torso resting on your chest? It's not easy. He's a weird dog anyway, but that's for another time.
Well, I hope you enjoy this post as much as I enjoyed writing it. A special thanks to DD Mills for the fine example of Thursday Thirteen she has posted on her blog. Now back to work on my new WIP (work in progress)
Thirteen ways to go mildly insane (I know, because I made this trip years ago)
1) Having an old dog that does new tricks: Dutch is a German short-haired pointer that I rescued about 10 years ago. Throughout the years Dutch has been a companion, an annoyance and comic relief. Now, at 12, Dutch has learned a new trick; climbing up on my furniture and . . . well . . . who needs to get up and run outside to go to the bathroom? Every night I have to put dining room chairs, guitars and empty hampers on every piece of furniture he can climb on just so I don't have to shampoo my furniture the next morning.
2) Having one of your kids go on vacation: I know, most mothers say I'm insane, but I can't help it. I love my kids and I miss them terribly when they're not here.
3) Having the aforementioned child come home from vacation: Within moments after the hugs, the kisses and the "I'm so glad you're home's!" the other kids remember that they have unfinished arguing to do and the make it all up in the first 24 hours.
4)Having a husband who thinks everything can and should be made into a joke: And worse yet, they're the same old tired jokes that I've heard over the last 20 years! I swear if I say "tongs" and he says "you're welcome" one more time....!!!!
5) You have a child who acts just like his dad: Need I say more?
6) Your worrisome father-in-law lives in your basement apartment: Let's just say, he doesn't call or knock first before he comes up :)
7)Having a nineteen-year-old who thinks it's funny to moon people: I have my brother, Hugh, to thank for that.
8) Having a five-year-old who thinks his brother mooning people is funny and isn't afraid to show it: I just can't wait for kindergarten to start! Oh, joy.
9)The circle game: Do any of you know what this is? If you don't, allow me to explain. Basically you make a circle with your index finger and thumb, hold it below your chest and then try to get people to look at it. But the other people, knowing that you play this insipid game, are too clever to look at you outright, so you need to learn new and clever ways to catch them. i.e. taking a picture of your finger-circle and sending it to your victim as a text message. Yes, that's right. And you'll never guess who plays it all the !@#$ time!
10)You no longer color your hair 'to be different':
11) Having a younger brother who thinks it's funny to rub his thumbs over the lenses of your glasses: Yes, Heath, I'm talking about you. And people wonder why I wear contacts.
12) Having a child who's a vidiot (video-idiot): It's so delightful when you ask your video game crazed child a question and the answer always, somehow, refers back to Nintendo.
13) Your Italian greyhound, Santa's Little Helper, (yes, that's his name) thinks the only place to lay down in your house is on you: We rescued Santa's Little Helper about 2 years ago. My sister-in-law works for a pet shop and they couldn't sell him because he has a deformed front right leg. He's a loving dog, but no matter what I do, whenever I sit down to write, or read, or watch T.V. Santa feels the need to be right up under my chin. Ever try to type on a laptop with a dog's torso resting on your chest? It's not easy. He's a weird dog anyway, but that's for another time.
Well, I hope you enjoy this post as much as I enjoyed writing it. A special thanks to DD Mills for the fine example of Thursday Thirteen she has posted on her blog. Now back to work on my new WIP (work in progress)
Tuesday, July 3, 2007
Word Count
I don't know why I still obsess over this. Anyone I've ever talked to has said not to go crazy over word count. It's just an approximation for the editor and/or agent to go by.
When I first started out someyears ago, I remember looking at one of the tabs on my Office Works document. Word count, hurray!
But wait. Editors and agents don't want you to use THAT word count. They want you to use the old formula: # of pages x 250 = word count. Okay, fine, but that formula only works if you use Courier 12. A lot of editors and agents accept Courier or Times New Roman (in fact, according to The Rejecter www.rejecter.blogspot.com TNR is now preferred). Have you ever seen the difference in them? Here's an example using my Office Word (I've moved up in the world) word count:
TNR 48 pages = 14,000 words
Courier 71 pages = 14,000 words
That's a difference of more than 20 pages! And, now I've read that some don't want you to use the old formula anymore, they want computer generated word counts(CGWC). Okay, now I'm going crazy (more so than usual)
True, some ePublishers want CGWC, but in my research, most publishers are still using the old 250 x # of pages = word count, system. With such a difference in outcome, how can we, as writers, decide what to use?
I have no idea, but for me, I'm sticking with the old ways until I'm told otherwise; Dark Courier 12, 1 inch margins (unless, of course, I'm entering a contest and I want to have as much of my work critiqued as possible, but that's another post) .
When I first started out some
But wait. Editors and agents don't want you to use THAT word count. They want you to use the old formula: # of pages x 250 = word count. Okay, fine, but that formula only works if you use Courier 12. A lot of editors and agents accept Courier or Times New Roman (in fact, according to The Rejecter www.rejecter.blogspot.com TNR is now preferred). Have you ever seen the difference in them? Here's an example using my Office Word (I've moved up in the world) word count:
TNR 48 pages = 14,000 words
Courier 71 pages = 14,000 words
That's a difference of more than 20 pages! And, now I've read that some don't want you to use the old formula anymore, they want computer generated word counts(CGWC). Okay, now I'm going crazy (more so than usual)
True, some ePublishers want CGWC, but in my research, most publishers are still using the old 250 x # of pages = word count, system. With such a difference in outcome, how can we, as writers, decide what to use?
I have no idea, but for me, I'm sticking with the old ways until I'm told otherwise; Dark Courier 12, 1 inch margins (unless, of course, I'm entering a contest and I want to have as much of my work critiqued as possible, but that's another post
Friday, June 22, 2007
Going Crazy
Wow, if life as a published author is going to be anything like the week I just had, I'm in BIG trouble (hopefully:). I couldn't imagine meeting a deadline when under the gun.
I recently started a new book. A quirky paranormal tale involving a successful New York artist, a preacher's son and a precocious German Shepard. The only problem is, I haven't been able to write!
Recently I attended my writers group luncheon (http://www.lirw.org/) and met with a few editors and agents. I really didn't go with the anticipation of pitching to any of them. I queried a few agents about my last book and two of them wanted to see more, so I figured, why add more work to my load?
I'm sure you can guess why! There's no guarantee that either of the two agents will like my work or have a spot for me. So until I have a signed contract I have to act like I have nothing (which, until that day comes where I have to sign on the dotted line, I don't)
So, I pitched to an editor and an agent. One wanted two of my books, with the first three chapters e-mailed to her. But one said "send em all!" Yikes! I think maybe I'll start with two. Anyone who knows me knows I'm a bit obsessive compulsive. Even though I've edited and re-edited those two manuscripts and I knew they were the best they could be, I had to check them at least one more time . . . and guess what? I found problems I never noticed before (here, I cannot stress enough how important it is for a critique partner)
So now I have to edit before I send it out. Then I have to check the other one. That on top of dealing with end-of-year parties, doctors appointments and just plain old housework, when will I ever get back to the baby I just recently conceived?
It's nuts, it's crazy and yet I still pray daily for those deadlines.
I recently started a new book. A quirky paranormal tale involving a successful New York artist, a preacher's son and a precocious German Shepard. The only problem is, I haven't been able to write!
Recently I attended my writers group luncheon (http://www.lirw.org/) and met with a few editors and agents. I really didn't go with the anticipation of pitching to any of them. I queried a few agents about my last book and two of them wanted to see more, so I figured, why add more work to my load?
I'm sure you can guess why! There's no guarantee that either of the two agents will like my work or have a spot for me. So until I have a signed contract I have to act like I have nothing (which, until that day comes where I have to sign on the dotted line, I don't)
So, I pitched to an editor and an agent. One wanted two of my books, with the first three chapters e-mailed to her. But one said "send em all!" Yikes! I think maybe I'll start with two. Anyone who knows me knows I'm a bit obsessive compulsive. Even though I've edited and re-edited those two manuscripts and I knew they were the best they could be, I had to check them at least one more time . . . and guess what? I found problems I never noticed before (here, I cannot stress enough how important it is for a critique partner)
So now I have to edit before I send it out. Then I have to check the other one. That on top of dealing with end-of-year parties, doctors appointments and just plain old housework, when will I ever get back to the baby I just recently conceived?
It's nuts, it's crazy and yet I still pray daily for those deadlines.
Monday, June 4, 2007
Oh the joys of editing
There is nothing more rewarding to any new writer than to type those two precious words "The End". It's also a big lie, because in no way is this the end (unless you have no desire to seek the Nirvana that is being published)
I do. So now, after sweating, crying, giving up then going back, and knowing that you did the very best you could, you have to put that newborn baby aside. Maybe for a few weeks, maybe a few months. Whatever the length of time, you need to put distance between you and the manuscript you've been with every day for the last few months.
Why? Because when you go back to it--and you WILL go back to it--it has to be fresh, almost new so you can objectively edit and edit and edit.
First, print it out. You won't believe how many typo's, grammar mistakes and just plain confusing text you've missed by reading it on the computer.
Second, have someone else read it. Someone who's not afraid to use a red pen and point out every little erroneous detail. A critiquing partner would be best, but if you don't have one, a trusted family member or friend will do. I ask my husband. He's not afraid to tell me straight up what he thinks and the man can pick out a spelling/grammatical error faster than any word processor. (I swear the man proofreads anything from menus to advertisements to posters for yard sales!) The best thing about my husband is, he doesn't read romances, they're not his cup of tea. So when he reads my manuscript and says "this is really good!" I know it means something.
If you don't know anyone who can read it and give you honest feedback, enter a contest and make sure it's one that encourages the judges to make notes on the manuscript pages. I found this to be invaluable. Even though I didn't come close to winning, I felt vindicated that at least two of the judges thought I had a good shot at getting published.
Third, be careful not to edit so much that you lose yourself in the process. No, I don't mean losing your identity--well, maybe I do--the important thing is not to lose your "voice". Sometimes the most perfectly written books can be stale and two dimensional because the author took her voice of it by editing TOO much.
Now that you've finished your book and have gotten to the editing part, DON'T stop learning about the craft. I finished my first book almost ten years ago. I just picked up a pen one day and started to write. I met someone who knew an editor for Harlequin/Silhouette and I sent her my work. I never heard back from her. Not very professional I feel, but looking back on the first manuscript I can almost understand why she didn't want a paper trail leading to me. The book was awful. I knew so little about writing that I might as well have written NEWBIE in the corner of every manuscript page.
I've rambled on enough for my first post. God bless and thanks for reading!
I do. So now, after sweating, crying, giving up then going back, and knowing that you did the very best you could, you have to put that newborn baby aside. Maybe for a few weeks, maybe a few months. Whatever the length of time, you need to put distance between you and the manuscript you've been with every day for the last few months.
Why? Because when you go back to it--and you WILL go back to it--it has to be fresh, almost new so you can objectively edit and edit and edit.
First, print it out. You won't believe how many typo's, grammar mistakes and just plain confusing text you've missed by reading it on the computer.
Second, have someone else read it. Someone who's not afraid to use a red pen and point out every little erroneous detail. A critiquing partner would be best, but if you don't have one, a trusted family member or friend will do. I ask my husband. He's not afraid to tell me straight up what he thinks and the man can pick out a spelling/grammatical error faster than any word processor. (I swear the man proofreads anything from menus to advertisements to posters for yard sales!) The best thing about my husband is, he doesn't read romances, they're not his cup of tea. So when he reads my manuscript and says "this is really good!" I know it means something.
If you don't know anyone who can read it and give you honest feedback, enter a contest and make sure it's one that encourages the judges to make notes on the manuscript pages. I found this to be invaluable. Even though I didn't come close to winning, I felt vindicated that at least two of the judges thought I had a good shot at getting published.
Third, be careful not to edit so much that you lose yourself in the process. No, I don't mean losing your identity--well, maybe I do--the important thing is not to lose your "voice". Sometimes the most perfectly written books can be stale and two dimensional because the author took her voice of it by editing TOO much.
Now that you've finished your book and have gotten to the editing part, DON'T stop learning about the craft. I finished my first book almost ten years ago. I just picked up a pen one day and started to write. I met someone who knew an editor for Harlequin/Silhouette and I sent her my work. I never heard back from her. Not very professional I feel, but looking back on the first manuscript I can almost understand why she didn't want a paper trail leading to me. The book was awful. I knew so little about writing that I might as well have written NEWBIE in the corner of every manuscript page.
I've rambled on enough for my first post. God bless and thanks for reading!
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